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One Simple Question: What’s Your Perspective?

5/12/2020

14 Comments

 
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Our perspective regarding something or someone’s true value, importance, or significance can change in an instant. Henry David Thoreau once said: "The question is not what you look at, but what you see." It truly is all about perspective.

The viewpoint from which we look at life circumstances (perspective) strongly affects our daily thoughts and feelings. And, these thoughts and feelings drive our reactions, actions and behaviors. When was the last time you actually stopped and looked at something from a different perspective? When did you see -

  • A beginning rather than an end?
  • An opportunity rather than a problem?
  • Something possible rather than impossible?
  • Another person’s point of view rather your own?
  • How you made others feel rather than how you felt?
  • Counting your blessings rather than adding up your troubles?
  • Hope rather than fear? 

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at may change.  What different perspectives would make your life even richer?  You can choose to change them in an instant.

Here’s a very recent example from my personal life.

After a long, brutal 14.5 months with stage 4 pancreatic cancer, my bride of 35+ years (Pat) took her last breath. We were there by her side. Whispered in her ear. Stroked her ashy-colored temples. Shed a few tears on her sunken cheeks and kissed her for the last time. 

Pat had spent her last two months exclusively in a hospital or hospice home. Despite this challenge, over 150 different people came to visit her, in what we now lovingly call her “living visitation.”  And, five days following her death more than 350 people came to her life celebration at church.  There were literally hugs by the hundreds. We were so very blessed.  

Fast forward just three days later. The COVID-19 pandemic had rapidly spread and was creating devastating human sickness and loss worldwide. Restrictions - personal, organizational, and cultural - were increasing globally. Our state enacted a “shelter in place” which affected schools, business, and overall life. Churches and church services were not exempt. Based on CDC guidelines, funerals and visitations could only proceed for immediate family members but not exceed 10 people. Social distancing was to be observed and no physical contact.

How quickly perspective changed on an essential part of healing – mourning for someone who had just died. Important rituals like funerals and memorial services, where families could outwardly express their grief and others could pay tribute to someone they cared about and loved were gone. Seeking and giving comfort through human touch was also eliminated.

During Pat’s battle with cancer, many ‘traditional’ perspectives were challenged. Here are just a few that stand out:
 
  • Warrior. Pat didn’t wear any protective armor or wield any weapons. There was no ‘basic training’ to prepare her for her personal ‘conflict’ with this terrible disease. But her inner strength, courage, and determination to battle through ten rounds of chemo, multiple surgeries, and an immunotherapy drug trial were intense, relentless, and remarkable. She was a true warrior who fought till the very end.
  • No ordinary moments. We stopped taking the simplest things for granted such as eating, leaving the house and not being ‘tethered’ to the toilet or an IV bag, and sleeping soundly. Doing things together (work or pleasure) became priceless. Laughter and silliness were treasured to combat all the stress and pain. Visits with family and friends were even more cherished. We had a greater appreciation for every extraordinary moment we previously thought was just ordinary.          
  • Tests of time. We were reminded that it’s extremely difficult, if not impossible, to buy time; call time out; or beat the clock with stage 4 cancer. Time wasn’t money – it was a zillion times more valuable to spend time together. Killing time was wasting a precious gift. And, there was no better time than the present to share heartfelt feelings, concerns, and joys.
  • Beauty. As the cancer and the chemo drugs continued to breakdown and destroy Pat’s physical body things like loss of weight and muscle tone accelerated. The importance of things like bouncy, curly hair; a glowing complexion; and the ‘right’ curves lost their value. Instead, Pat’s ultimate beauty from inside shined brighter than ever. Her smile lit up everyone’s spirit. Her eyes reflected deep emotion, care, and love. The touch of her hand brought immediate warmth deep, deep inside you. Her beauty blossomed.
 
When asked the greatest lesson she had ever learned, Pat’s reply was “you can never give enough” and “you can never love enough”.  These two perspectives defined how she looked at life, related to people, handled challenges, and lived day-to-day. We were so blessed by her perspective and to be a part of her life’s journey.

​As Anne Rice reminded us, “One moment the world is as it is. The next, it is something entirely different. Something it has never been before.”  Maybe it’s time to stop and look at someone or something from a different perspective!
14 Comments
Pam Wibben
5/12/2020 07:17:10 pm

Wonderful tribute to Pat. Pat truly ministered to us even in her illness. We will always cherish her friendship till we see her in heaven.

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Leanna
5/12/2020 08:01:02 pm

What a beautiful writing about such a beautiful lady.
Your family truly touched me and my husband deeply and I will forever be grateful our paths crossed.

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Kim Waguespack
5/13/2020 09:44:54 am

Your love for Pat shines through your writing, Brian. The positive attitudes of both of you during her battle with cancer were inspiring. It has been my blessing from God to get to know you both.

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Lynn Robideau
5/14/2020 01:30:01 pm

Beautifully written. Pat was an extraordinary woman for sure!! She had a glorious way of seeing life and a sweet way to make others feel so special and worthy.

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Alice Bower
5/14/2020 04:22:14 pm

A heartfelt, incredibly accurate portrait of Pat’s heart and life. Pat’s strength and love came from being firmly rooted in Christ and abiding with Him. Brian, you were these things for her as well. A warrior who stood by her side as your heart was breaking. Someone who saw her inner beauty when her physical beauty was ravaged by the disease. I am sure that your strength and love, along with the Lord, carried her through her journey to her heavenly home. God Bless You, Brian.

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Elaine (Learned) Lester
5/16/2020 08:37:35 am

Brian, you probably don’t “actually” know me, but perhaps my name will help. My mother, Blanche, was your Grandpa Elmer’s sister, so we are second cousins. I am very, very close to Barb and Marilyn. All I need to know about you, is that you are just like your father! That says it all! Pat was a very lucky woman to have such a loving, caring, kind husband as you. I learned a lot about you both through Barb and Marilyn. I followed the family news through Pats suffering, and remembered to pray for her. When I learned of her death, my heart truly went out to you. But at the same time, I thank God that you had each other. What a beautiful life you gave her...she was happy and loving also! God Bless you, Brian and I am truly sorry for your Great loss.

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Mile Hinrichsen
5/19/2020 09:59:47 am

Very thoughtful and touching. Words to live by. Stay strong my friend. For several decades I continue to learn from you. Thank you

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Ed O’Neal
5/19/2020 01:41:53 pm

Brian, thank you so much for this tribute. Praying that you’re surrounded by God’s loving grace and those He sends to minister to you.

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Scott Tatro link
5/23/2020 09:12:16 am

Brian, we are so sorry for the loss and struggles Pat and your whole family endured for so many months. I believe this message captures everything that Pat loved about you and her life here. Perspective is everything... is life temporal or is it eternal. You have always found a way to stay focused on the eternal and on loving and serving others. Pat could not have had a better partner. We have no doubt you will continue to share this eternal perspective and enrich even more lives around you. Love you B

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Scott Tolson
6/1/2020 08:39:10 am

Brian, I am just reading about the loss of your wife. I am so very sorry and will be praying for you and your family. May God bless you and comfort you my friend.

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Andrea Dumas
6/11/2020 09:58:52 pm

Brian,
Your words truly made me stop and think today.
Thank you.

I know I only met Pat couple, but the stories that have been shared I feel like I've known her forever.
❤Andrea

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Ashley Matzenbacher
6/22/2020 04:06:21 am

This is such a beautifully written tribute to Pat. We are eternally grateful for our paths to be joined, and thank you for sharing your perspective and journey with us Brian. It has reignited my focus. You, Pat, and your entire family are in our hearts.

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Caitlin Behrends
8/9/2020 08:55:53 pm

Thank you Brian for sharing your beautiful and inspiring words. You and the whole family are always in my thoughts and prayers. Pat was such a beautiful soul!

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Tracy Galloway link
10/14/2020 12:48:21 pm

I was praying for you today Brian, and wanted to send a private word of encouragement to your facebook page but did not find one. I landed on this article after going to Pat's facebook page. What a well written article and wonderful tribute to Pat. I cried as I read it as she was an amazing woman that I will forever look up to as a mentor to me. Even though we did not have much time together, I always carried her and you in my heart, and still do. Both of you. This loss is tremendous and heart wrenching but our hope is in the fact that our lives are but a breadth, a moment, and that the Bible teaches that there is no time in heaven like here on earth. Therefore, it is very possible that in once she arrived in heaven... you, and we all who believe will be by her side in an instant. Until then, my prayers are with you and your children and grandchildren as you live out your days here on earth according to His calling for you all and in so doing will carry her and your legacy forward for generations. With all of our love and care, Your friend from afar, Tracy Lucia Galloway

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    Brian Gareau is a Speaker, Author and Consultant.

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